In no aspect of our life, we will be judged as a failure in this world albeit indeed I feel I have failed myself terribly. For years I wanted to blame it on other external factors weather it is monetary support or financial but my experience tells me a different story. My experience has taught me finally it has never been them. If you really want something, you will get it regardless of any situation and hurdle because of its human nature to find out away. And it suddenly occurred to me all my life I have been running from what I thought I always want and off lately I realized I would have done everything I wanted but only if I wanted and that makes me wonder is this my true calling?
What is my true calling? If I remove all ifs and buts, all the advice was given to me for the betterment of my life, would I still have been where I am. Finally, I have no face to blame it’s the contribution of the entire human world to make me what I am not. Where the true universe that I firmly believe is within me kept on giving me subtle hints and I kept on giving it implausible excuses. I always believed not every pain is worth your time but the ones which are should be meaningful and make you feel more content but does all this fit into my definition anymore. Oh yes! It does but only if what I want next. When I wonder what next, it feels like finding the same fish in the ocean that slip through your hands last time and it’s never the same, it’s just gone for good or bad. It will never make you feel the same again regardless of whatever you do.
And after all these deep thoughts I get more impatient to know me, I really want to find that fish again and want to know what I would have been? What I would have felt? There are endless emotions that surface in silent nights and dies in bright mornings. Even the empty feeling can’t survive for long, how that fish could have? She must have died long back.
The world is no place to live anymore it has turned free life as an illusion. It’s all about constant manipulations of making you waste all your life by hard-wiring you exactly opposite to what you are supposed to be. They make you not only do but believe to find that the spark you want is somewhere out in world weather in the form of a school, professional degree, or country, whereas it has always been within. We are so much lost in finding ourselves out there we forget there is something within us. All of us are the universe in ourselves. The world was a better place than today’s World. This so-called world is created by a few greedy traders and is exactly the opposite of what it should have been. We all know that somewhere deep but the evil urge that has been planted within us has rooted too deep to acknowledge our true calling. Some are so misfortune that though they can admit to this fact albeit that they no more recognize the inner soul anymore. They try hard to take U-turn but that’s passed long back.
Such an irony is some people are fighting death and some are fighting life and both don’t recognize who is the real enemy?