The suppressed dream. I could not have imagined even in my wildest dreams that a dominant person like me can be suppressed in her dreams. My dreams are adulterated by so many factors, I can’t even list them all. The list so huge and trivial but subtle in nature.  So I call it Mr. “don’t know what”. I don’t see dreams that I would have only if  Mr. “don’t know what” would not have happened with me. Ironically, we all love and hate this term, but anyway, this Mr. “don’t know what”, opposite to the obvious meaning that it suggests, can be anything. And, for me alone, it is different in different situations: so small, and yet so big. So negligible that I didn’t even notice it, and so enormous that it didn’t let me be myself. Well, it is really an out-of-the-world experience, when one realizes that it’s not oneself living within them; it’s someone else. Some alien they don’t even know. Masked with illusion, we are all living as “somebody,” but not ourselves. Not that we are copying anyone consciously, and neither are we consciously making efforts. But, yes! Our brain is getting programmed to do stuff we would not have done otherwise, only if Mr. “don’t know what” didn’t happen.

The amount of chaos it has brought in our lives, so peacefully, is remarkable though. I appreciate that the beauty of this flaw seems so flawless. The more I understand it, the complex it gets; the more I turn my back on it, the easier it turns. The irony is still unsolved. And, yes! Although, I am tired, but curious as well to get it all.

The clear picture of our dreams that we have been believing of dreaming since our childhood is shattered in a fraction of seconds, the moment the mask losses its grips. For years, we have lived with it, but when reality hits, we are in a confused state. We lose confidence in ourselves. It happens to everyone; of course, to varying degrees. There is no measure to be taken for all this. To say, it’s just another philosophical theory, but when dealt with, it’s the ground reality. Such a paradox nature of this subconscious reality makes it really unique and intangible.

Many in the crowd die living this fabricated life. Some live in its shadows struggling with conflicting ideas, while others just wonder. As far as I know, there exists no cure. This Mr. “don’t know what” has been rooted so deep in the mind that the soul is also overshadowed by its presence. The formula it used against the mind was again a paradox equation – easy to understand, hard to resolve. To change it to real happiness, it masked the fake one with small dopamine doses, making us somehow forget what real happiness felt like. This misleads us all and leads us to fall for it over and over again. And if someone did taste real happiness, they rejected it, not knowing its true beauty – it made them strong, but vulnerable.

To this unknown, undefined, and infinite I call it Mr. “don’t know what”. We all can have our own customized definition and taste of Mr. “don’t know what”. There is no one place where you will find it, no one place where it is hidden. Given that you’re lucky enough, you will find it somewhere between “everywhere” and “nowhere”.